Bluffer's guide to university

Instantly acquire all the knowledge you need to pass as an expert in the world of university.

Know how to get in, where to get in, how to stay in, what to say, where to say it, what not to say, where to be seen, what to eat, and even what to wear.

Never again confuse a Desmond with a Douglas, an MA (Oxon) or (Cantab) with a genuinely hard-earned Master's degree, a PhD with a DPhil, or a cleaning rota with a clean student flat (otherwise known as an oxymoron).