The Gless Ee. Ye can play hunners o tricks wi a gless ee because ye can tak it oot and pap it back in again ony time ye like.
Ye can bet yer life Mrs Eejit kent aw the tricks. Wan mornin she took oot her gless ee and drapped it intae Mr Eejit's joog o ginger when he wisnae lookin.
Mr Eejit sat there slowly sookin his juice. The faem made a white ring on the hairs aroond his mooth.
He dichted the white faem ontae his sark sleeve and dichted his sark sleeve and dichted his sark sleeve on his breeks. 'Ye're up tae nae guid,' Mrs Eejit said, keepin her back tae him sae he widnae see she had taen her gless ee oot. 'Whenever you haud yer wheesht like that, I ken fine weel that ye're up tae nae guid.' Mrs Eejit wis richt.
Mr Eejit wis schemin awa like billy-o. He wis tryin tae think up a honkin trick he could play on his wife the day.
In a major new departure for Itchy Coo, Matthew Fitt has taken a classic of modern children's literature and retold it in modern Scots.
Nobody could really improve on Roald Dahl's story of the revolting Twits and the ghastly tricks they play on each other and how the Muggle-Wump monkeys and the birds take revenge for the way the Twits have mistreated them.But the Scots language is so vibrant and exciting and so well suited to describing the sheer nastiness of Mr and Mrs Eejit, that Fitt's version reads like a new book. It will delight Scottish adults and youngsters alike - everyone will fall about laughing at the twists and turns of this wonderful tale told in their own tongue.