Lottie Biggs is recovering from her mental disorder of a reasonably significant nature with the help of her counsellor, who rather helpfully looks like Johnny Depp.

Things are looking up - her hair is an excellent shade of black, she has a saturday job in a hairdresser and Gareth Stingecombe and his manly thighs are still the love of her life.

When Gareth undoes his trousers to show Lottie a fetching bruise on one of the aforementioned thighs, she comes to the realization that, unlike everyone else she knows, she is a total, utter virgin.

But how can she get any sort of experience when her boyfriend is doggedly, stubbornly and infuriatingly determined to preserve his energies for the rugby field?