The secret life of a slummy mummy

For Lucy Sweeney, motherhood isn't all astanga yoga and Cath Kidston prints.

It's been years since the dirty laundry pile was less than a metre high, months since Lucy remembered to have sex with her husband, and a week since she last did the school run wearing pyjamas.

Motherhood, it seems, has more pitfalls than she might have expected.

Caught between perfectionist Yummy Mummy No 1 and hypercompetitive Alpha Mum, Lucy is in danger of losing the parenting plot. And worst of all, she's alarmingly distracted by Sexy Domesticated Dad.

It's only a matter of time before the dirty laundry quite literally blows up in her face...