How to be a man

Are men supposed to be fighters? Lovers? Hunter-gatherers? Fashionistas? Business gurus? Culinary experts? You’re wrong if you think one man can’t be a jack AND a master of all trades. In How To Be A Man, I’ll show you how to be a proper god amongst men.

This book caters for a girthy gap in the market but it’s not just for the lads!

Ladies, take heed – these are the qualities you should look for in a heterosexual mate. You’ll learn how to boss a job interview – remember, the eyes are the windows to the soul which is why you should avoid eye-contact at all costs.

You don’t want them looking into your disgustingly dirty soul.

I also share some chirpsing tekkers, such as my new style, ‘7 down, 1 up,’ where you viciously insult the lady seven times and then give her one compliment. And I’ve even shared some of my go-to recipes (Medium Rare Hearty Chicken with Crunchy Peanut Dust Roast Potato and Beef Monster Munch).

But I’m not giving you any more details than that – you’ll have to buy the book.

Remember, the first hit’s for free but you’ll be back! ;) So, sit back, relax, light a candle. Get naked if you want to. Get the baby oil out – I don’t judge – and let your manly juices flow. PS. I dedicate this book to my ex-wife, Aldona. I loved you and you ended up running away with another man, stealing my beautiful Merc and my most prized possession – the golden foot spa.

But I’m totally over it and look at me now – I’m only a bloody published author.

So yeah, I’m totally FINE. I’m thriving, in fact. I don’t need you anymore! I AM SO OVER YOU! HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS BOOK!