Dear Mum and Dad, this is just to let you know that I took the torch, the hammer, the plastic strainer, the chocolate biscuits and the stuff that's missing from the bathroom.

So it's OK, you haven't been burgled. Please don't worry, things are looking even better than I thought, opal-wise.

Love, Keith. Going down a mine and digging up a fortune in precious opals is Keith's solution to his parents' problems.

Stacks of money will make everything OK in their tropical paradise, and save them from being permanent worry warts.

Won't it? Another brilliant Keith Shipley plan - if it works...