Sex, Sleep or Scrabble? : Seriously Funny Answers to Life's Quirkiest Queries

What questions would you ask a doctor at a comedy gig?...Is it healthy to sleep with a pet?

What are the side effects of budgie-smuggling? Is horse riding riskier that ecstasy? Do love eggs need to be fitted? Do unlucky beds exist? Do doctors ever pretend to hear noises with a stethoscope?

Should I hand-wash my merkin? Do you need three hands to put a condom on properly?

Is it safe to fall asleep with a penis enlarger on? What should I do if someone dies on me during sex? GP and comedian Phil Hammond is easier to see on stage than in the surgery, but he always leaves time for questions.

Here are 250 of life's quirkiest queries, lovingly collected from audiences across the UK.

Some people put a hand straight up, others prefer a shy drop into Dr Phil's secret sack.

Open wide for the finest answers to the most bizarre questions, ranging from tongue in cheek to absolutely filthy...yet surprisingly useful.