Dermot Milligan's got problems. He's overweight and hooked on donuts. He has a pushy, over-achieving mother, and a father who spends all his time hiding in the lavatory.

His sisters, Ruby and Ella (or Rubella, as he thinks of them) attack him relentlessly from the opposite directions of Chav and Goth.

His mother has booked him in to see a nutritionist who looks like a Dementor from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

The diary is the nutritionist's idea. Not only does Dermot have to write down how many donuts he eats, but also, and this is the really rubbish part, his feelings!

But things are about to get even worse. Alone among his friends he is being sent not to the local comp, but to St Michael's, a posh school where he will stick out like a sore thumb.

A sore thumb with a weight problem.