So you're 40 : a handbook for the newly middle aged

You will never now become a rock star or regain the waist size you had at 18.

You have taken a sudden interest in bleeding your radiators, listening to "The Money Programme" and figuring out the best route to anywhere in the country.

On the bright side, you can look forward to cheaper car insurance, and it's only ten years until you can book your first Saga holiday!

You can take delight in the fact that you will never again have to sleep in a muddy field at Glastonbury, stay up all night at a party, or pretend to like Tequila Slammers.