Stone me: the wit & wisdom of Keith Richards

He is the Human Riff, guitarist with The Greatest Rock ‘n’ Roll Band in the World – and a man of Wildean sagacity and trenchancy…

‘I wouldn’t warm to Chuck Berry if he was cremated next to me.’

‘I’ve never had problems with drugs. Only with policemen.’

On Elton John singing ‘Candle in the Wind’: ‘Writes songs for dead blondes.’

‘Rolling Stones, I have a question: will this be your last tour?’
Keith Richards: ‘Yes, and the next five.’

On Ronnie Wood: ‘I’ve known him stoned out of his brain, and I’ve known him straight sober. Quite honestly, there’s very little difference.’

‘The strangest thing I've tried to snort? My father, I snorted my father. He was cremated and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn't have cared. It went down pretty well and I'm still alive.’
On having shot Ronnie Wood's budgerigar in its cage: ‘Sorry, Ronnie - I didn't think it was real.’