Effin' birds: a field guide to identification

Have you ever looked a bird dead in the eye and wondered what it was thinking?

With Effin’ Birds, the most eagerly anticipated new volume in the noble avocation of bird identification, you can venture into nature with confidence. This farcical field guide will help you identify over 200 birds, but more importantly, for the first time in history, it will also help you understand what these birds are thinking:

• The vainglorious grebe is acutely aware of its own magnificence.
  
• The hipster pelican thinks the world is a shitbarge.
  
• The overbearing heron wishes you better luck next time, fucknuts.
  
• The counsellor swallow wants you to maybe try not being a dickhead.
  
• ... and many, many more.